A while ago I ran into some of my old work. It was interesting to analyze it and remember way back when to when I was working on those particular pieces. From as long as I can remember, I have always been incredibly attached to my work, even to the point of making my parents purchase the pieces back for charity. Don't ya just love Catholic school fundraisers? Anyways, sometimes you need to look back to see where you were, what you've done, how far you've come and the potential that you posses some creative ability. Yes, slumps blow, and creative searching for inspiration is often needed. Mine today, has been looking to the past.
Circa 1993, 10 years old. Even from a young age I was conscience of equality. Check out the Eskimos and the the Eskimos yo-yo in their hands. I was enthralled with their culture at a young age and adored going to the Arctic Museum on the WOU campus where Paul Jensen was my personal tour guide and offend took pieces out of the display cases to show me how they worked. It was a favorite past time. Oh, and yes, this piece is one I did while at Catholic school, where I made my parents buy it back because I liked it so much. HA! What a child I was... At a young aged I learned how to be a master copier. I remember liking a particular Matisse piece one afternoon and decided that that was what I wanted to draw. The first imagine I started with water colors. The proportions weren't right, and I got frustrated (yes, I've always been a perfectionist), so I moved to pencil and color pencil. I thought it turned out better that way. Now, the rejected one and the final are framed and hung next to each other. I like it that way. Circa age 20. Ah, college and the required classes. Below is one of the first 'typographic' pieces I ever did. The class was Intro to Typography, and everything had to be done by hand. Color pencils used to be a good friend of mine. I will always love this piece. I believe the sketch below was from an Advanced Life Drawing class. I remember we had to do a series of three 20 min. sketches. This was one of them. It's interesting looking at pieces and always getting the same reaction. The piece below always makes me want to take a life drawing class, just for the hell of it.
You know when you have a moment when you hear and/or see something, not necessarily meaning anything all, yet your heart cracks. You're saddened. Inquisitive. Pondering the meaning of why. Or rather, why not (me)? Or why the paths never completely line up together. With recent events, and so many friends in relationships and spring in full bloom, being single sometimes just isn't where you want to be. Seeing it all just kind of makes you want to vomit a little in your month. Don't get me wrong, I would love to be in a long term relationship again, but the idea of it now, I'm not so sure about. I can honestly think of only one person that if said they were down for a try, that I might actually be in. HA! Wouldn't that be funny. But really, I guess like the saying goes, you always want what you can't have. And I would consider distance in miles to be a factor of not being able to have. Bummer, but oh well, I suppose.
When it comes down to it though, relationship wise, today, I would probably choose a huge career leap vs a long term relationship. I think I need that more now than ever. It would make me happier. Success now. Love later. Unless the two could somehow be one....
On a completely different note. This morning I went to church. Catholic church. Flash back to Catholic school as a child, let me tell you. Anyways, I know right. What was I thinking? Well, I'll tell ya. 1_ I am visiting a friends family who attend church this weekend. 2_The other day I was watching the t.v. show '30 Days' on hulu. The episode was titled: 'Atheist / Christian'. It placed an Atheist in a Christian family and she had to participate in all their activities. It made me remember that it's always good to be excepting of other beliefs and the 'blessing' that we have a right to choose what we want to believe in.
Now, as many people close to me know, I've very non-religious. I think being a good person and doing good things is a better motto to live by. Let alone the fact that I like proof of things that exist. O.k. o.k., yes, I believe in the Universe and the theories around it. But I have to say, my proof of work is declaring to move half way around the world and then 3 months later doing just that.
But what I really wanted to comment today on my experience at Church. And man, if you're going to pick one day a year to attend church, what better day then when a 'mortal who died for our sins' was resurrected? Funny, because the priest mentioned how only a select few got to see him. Hmmm..... Makes ya think, doesn't it?
At the end of the service, a very sweet old women next to me started a brief conversation. It went something like this:
Old Lady: So what did you think of the service today? Me: It was lovely. (Mustin't be rude now) OL: I knew you would like it. (smile of excitement) I know you're not this religion, so you must be practicing something else? M: Yeah, something like that. (after that I thought best to head out)
My first response was to say I don't believe in god. I'm agnostic. But I didn't think that would have gone down too well. And although I knew the prayers and motion from days back when (I went to Catholic school for good schoolings sake), I purposely chose not to go with the flow to 'fit in' today. It's not me, and even for an hour, I will not pretend. It's just not me. Done and don
Sometimes, when at a road block creatively, one must look for inspiration. Things that inspire both design and growth. And now, how easily accessable the internet has become, and how wide spread it can be, there is then, in turn, a vast amount of it out there. One site I found a few weeks ago is The Dieline. It's a site that focuses on packaging design, but my god, does it have some amazing stuff. And of course, makes me think that I have a long way to go if I want to be that good. I know, I know, I have always been my hardest critic. When I hit points of self judgement, I remember a few years back when 2 of my old design teachers told me that my greatest faults were being too hard on myself and not realizing I was/had the potential to be really good. They told me that once I got past that, that then, I could really shine. Let's just say, I'm getting there, in my own way.
Finally got the sewing machine to work properly. Needed a bobbin, and then I was good to go. I'd like to think the score now is, Me 1, Sewing Machine 1. It can only get better, right? HA! Not too much more left.... Then onto the dress!
Finally, today of all days I am ready to sew and piece together my ever elusive skirt. One problem. My war with the sewing machine. Lamest thing ever if you ask me. Now I admit, it's been a damn long time since I touched one, and from my un-vivid memories, it wasn't such a complicated thing. You thread it, get some spare fabric (for testing), plug it in, and you're good to go. HA! If only it was that easy. Frustration is looming high over my head, and the only thing I can think of when trying to come down and think about the problem at hand, is how uncool it is to not be so easy. I've tried to work on other projects, because I should, but I just can't. That damn sewing machine is driving me nuts. And just at a time when I'm in the perfect state of mind to wrap this project up. Errr. Hopefully I will be victorious in my sewing machine war. For now though, the score is: Me 0, Sewing Machine 1. What a bummer.
After having epic results with my new bus. cards and the photographic process, I'm in an exceptionally good mood and uber optimistic for the year ahead. Plus, my new red ankle boots arrived today via UPS. What more could a girl ask for? Sometimes, even when money's tight, one must treat themselves to something that will bring long term happiness. This time around, I have chosen to go with shoes; outfits to flatter them buzzing in my mind long before they even arrived. And once I'm finally done making the long awaited skirt I've been talking about and slowly working on, I will be onto a cute summery type dress that can easily be paired with the new boots and tights and shirts when needed.
In the meantime, I thought I would share a few things that I'm more than smitten with.
1_ Voodoo Doughnuts. Yum. Always good at any time and should be consumed on a regular basis.
2_ Miss Lily Bean. Technically she's my Dads dog, but we've had a connection from the beginning. In fact, when picking her out of a litter of 10, she was the one I wanted and the one I knew who would protect and take care of my Dad when I moved to London. Little did we know I would be back in no time. She's the apple of my eye and plans to create an active running schedule is in the works. Portland watch out!
3_ My new red ankle boots. They're lovely and comfy and I can't wait to show them off tonight at the Working In A Creative Economy talk with GS. And yeah, in my excitement of their arrival, I was a bit of a dork. Instead of just taking a photo from the website I ordered them from, ModCloth, I took a photo myself and cropped out the background. What can I say, I'm on a role with things like that.
4_ The photo below. A friend on fb currently has this as their main profile picture. Took me a second, but man, when you get it, you can't help but laugh, and think, 'WTF! Why would anyone want that on their body long term?' Still, since it's not my body, I like it, quite a bit. Obviously enough to include it in my Smitten list of things that make me smile. Hmm.... funny how the mind works.
5_ Motivational Speaker, Matthew Kelly. GS sent me a link the other day to the video below after reading my entry titled, 'First Amendment'. MK doesn't start to speak until about 10 min. in, so I would recommend pausing the video until you can start it there. He's talking at a church, so fore warning, he does touch upon God quite a bit, especially in the beginning. Being the ultra un-religious person I am, and like GS mentioned in his email to me, just swap out God with THE UNIVERSE. And regardless if religion is involved or not, MK makes some exceptionally good points about how to live life regardless of what you believe. It was the perfect mood lifter and inspiration to get me out of a mild funk and back on track work wise. Enjoy!
Yes, after a semi long wait.... TADA! My new bus. cards and their packaging. As many people know, I typically just can't do 1 version. And like always, I have stayed true to my old ways coming up with not 1 bus. card design, but 9 (border lining on 10) and 3 packaging design categories. Each 'booklet' contains 20 randomly designed bus. cards and can easily be ripped out when needed, possibly allowing the packaging to be reused if desired.
Everything was designed, drawn, printed, cut, assembled, photographed and edited/cropped by moi. Yes, I know, apparently I have some talent hidden away somewhere and when touched upon, can maybe, just maybe, create some rad shit. And I might add, none of the photos were edited color wise except for the close ups of the animals, and that was still quite minimal.
I have to say that for a less then two week project, I had way too much fun. And I learned a lot about some of the different kinds of animals in Africa, primarily the Zebra. I absolutely love them and might have discovered a mild obsession with them. Everything about them fascinates me. The creatures themselves, horses but not. The pattern of their stripes and how each side of their body is completely different from the other. Heard sizes range on average between 4-12 Zebras.They're viciousness with outsiders... Did you know that if a Zebra comes upon a heard that is not their own, that the pack they come upon will instantly attack and kill them. Whoa... stellar instincts. On the other hand, if a Zebra is to be introduced into a new heard, it must been done slowly with fences in-between, and then, if lucky over time, the heard will allow that outsider in. SanWild is a wildlife rehabilitation and sanctuary based in the Northern Province of South Africa. I saw a show last week on Animal Planet about it... It was focusing on 3 rescued baby orphan Zebras and the process to introduce them into a heard and release them back into the park. I want to go there now. Basically, I have now added SanWild and South Africa to my list of top places I would like to travel to. Now to figure out when that might be....
Essentially, the U.S. was created with freedom in mind. A rebellion to say the least. One of those freedoms was the first amendment, which involves freedom of speech and freedom of press. By CHOOSING to have a blog of any nature, I am aloud to express my freedom of speech publicly, and often to my discretion. It is the viewer who CHOOSES to continue to read, regardless of what I write, and it is not my sole responsibility to censor my opinions and thoughts for thus reader. Now I understand that sometimes I have aired some dirty laundry that maybe I shouldn't have. But, I CHOSE to, for many reasons. And out of respect for people I CHOOSE to bring into my blogging realm, I decided long ago that full names were never going to be used.
So, does that make me rude? I certainly don't think so. And I admit, that yes, when I CHOOSE to talk about someone, and that person CHOOSES to read my blog, that they will in turn know that I have CHOSEN to talk about them. Does everyone know who I talk about all the time? No. Is it frustrating and complete bullshit when you then get 'attacked' verbally by non-partisans on the issue? Yes. So I will say this, empowering my first amendment right as an American... Get off your high rocker. I get it, I do, you're upset. It happens. But what's the point of getting in the middle of a situation when you have no priority in being there? Do you honestly think you are helping? Because you're not. I make my points and opinions about situations and people based on facts given to me, often by the person I am CHOOSING to make an opinion about. And yes, I am referring to an old friend who almost killed themselves. Good lord. I said it loud and clear. Shoot me. My opinions on them and the way they have and are CHOOSING to live their life, is based solely on everything they have told me. So, GROW UP! Please, someone, tell me, who supports someone's drinking, even 'responsibly' after an 'incident' where they wind up in the hospital, oh less than a month later? Who? Because honestly, I can't think of anyone who would. Well, none of my good friends anyways.
The fact of the matter is, I voiced an opinion on a situation because I cared for that person, their long term well being, and the young life that they are responsible for. That person in turn, CHOSE to reject that gesture of concern and thoughtfulness. I live with the belief that if you care about someone, and you genuinely feel that something is wrong, then you tell them and try to do what you can to help... because you care. Too many people tend to look away in situations that make them uncomfortable because they just don't want to deal with it, and I get that. But sometimes you just can't run away and turn a blind eye.
Although, as of late, I am questioning the point of speaking out of concern. No one likes to try and help someone, and then, in turn, get a virtual slap in the face via nasty emails from that person and one of their 'good' friends. Feelings get hurt. Hell, if I wanted to, I could take the low road to try and make myself feel better, if even for a moment. I could name names and spill dirty things. But I CHOOSE not too. Why? Because that's not who I am. There's no need to continue on in this fashion. I've stated my concern, they rejected it, and now it's time to move on. Done and done.
With that, I will leave my last words of this entry to Regina Spektor, as the truth is always just a line....
