I draw robots. Lots of robots. I've filled an entire sketch book full of them and I've started another. I made a book called Robot Book I. There will be a second. I love robots. This was my first robot sketch. Ever.
Sometimes I wonder if I'll ever be content for more than a short while. I get bored easily. And when I'm bored, I start wanting to go some place else. For the last few weeks I've been this way. Constantly looking at plane tickets, wondering about what would happen if I did it. Hoping that everytime I get out of town for a few days that that will tie me over for a little while, but then realizing once back that my urge is stronger than I know and within a few short hours I'm thinking of leaving again. Yes, life has become stagnant and I've not only pushed my body to it's limit, but also mentally and emotionally. Becoming so drained is hard to recuperate from.
I've disconnected myself from a lot of people because I feel as if they don't understand or don't completely get me. Probably not the best idea, but that's just how I naturally cope.
And the fact is, being content for me does not necessarily equal a bad day. It's about being happy and inspired and passionate and continuously learning and pushing yourself to be better. The shit thing is, I've had someone in my life who could do just that. Where everytime we talked I learned something new or was introduced to someone or something. They made me want to be better, in all aspects. And one of my favorite things about them was that for some reason their inner self could calm my inner self by just being around them. That's amazing!! Brief periods where I could turn off my brain. That hasn't happened much in the last four months.
But, all good things must come to an end, and nothing last forever. Soon they'll be gone and I'll be left on my own to survive 12. I'm not sure how I feel about that. On one hand, I know I must stay. On the other hand, it makes me want to go even more. It's made me realize that I need more people in my life that inspire me to do great things and encourage me to do so.
So, I was thinking, maybe my solution to finding inspiration elsewhere from my daily life (which truth be told has been lacking) is to continue making the right connections, work hard, learn as much as I can, stay in touch with people that mean something to me, escaping the city and work as much as possible and putting out the energy of sunny days and airplanes.
Or maybe I need a winter misery trip to make me appreciate my life more. Either way, things have already started to appear for my next manifestation list. It's time to get crackin' on future goals.
“Never let go of hope. One day you will see that it all has finally come together. What you have always wished for has finally come to be. You will look back and laugh at what has passed and you will ask yourself... 'How did I get through all of that?"
Don't grieve. Anything you lose comes round in another form.
No! Absolutely nothing... No! I regret nothing. Neither the good that I've done nor the bad. All this is much the same to me! No! Absolutely nothing... No! I regret nothing... It is paid, swept away, forgotten. I don't care about the past! With my souvenirs I lit a fire. My sorrows, my pleasures I need them no more! Swept away the love affairs. With their tremors swept away forever, I leave with nothing... No! Absolutely nothing... No! I regret nothing. Neither the good that I've done nor the bad. All this is much the same to me! No! Absolutely nothing... No! I regret nothing... Because my life, because my joys, today that begins with you!
