The Times They Are A Changin'

After being sick this last week, with a wicked sore throat and no energy, I have found myself in a rut. 25, broke, job seeking designer living in, well, I do not even want to go there, stressed, frustrated, and confused about the path I need and want to be taking. For those that know, I have heavily been considering moving out of state. Where to you might ask? Well, at this point, wherever my career will foster most. Granted, that could still be in PDX, or it could be in Seattle, SF, Denver, or even NYC. Yes, after moving to London and having a handful of people before, during and after my stay there continuously say I should move to NYC, I have reasoned within myself that maybe, just maybe they know something that I do not. But funds have been drained, extensively, and without even some work (hopefully not shit nor boring) I cannot go anywhere. Heck! I cannot even get myself to go to a fabric store so I can make some pretty clothes (a new outlet I am looking into).

When I think about it, or rather, when I talk to good friends, a lot them seem to be on some good high right now. I have leeched on a little, trying to get out of my rut, which has helped, a little. I guess what I really want is to be one of them right now. Happy. Content. Productive. Successful. But with my extreme indecisiveness as of late, it has been hard to figure out just what will do that trick for me. I feel it burning, that desire and determination, but I also feel it still wanting to hide, scared of what it will find if it 100% throws itself out into the world. A power house? Most likely. Am I truly ready for something like that? Um, I think so. Or at least ready to start the career of an uber successful power house. I know have it me, it is just finding the right people to help push it out and foster its ability.

One of my good friends, who had the privilege of visiting me while in London made a good point the other day - Crossing trans Atlantic style has the effect of putting you in a funk for what you want and where you want to be. How? Why? I still do not know. But that 8 hour time difference, 15+ hours of travel, definitely does something to your inner psyche, draining it in some strange way.

Even though I have been a bit of a debbie downer, I still have hope. Hence the title - "The Times They Are A Changin'". I have one last thing to check off of my list of Manifestations for 2008, and that is a 'rad design job that makes me happy'. To give up now would be treacherous. After all, I was able to cross off some things that I thought would be impossible to obtain due to the 'economical crisis'. In fact, I had given up all hope. But sometimes the Universe likes to be hypocritical of things you want and gives you them when you have decided that you really did not want them in the first place. A test you might say of how much you really want something. Basically, if I have learned anything, it is that I need to keep my eye on the prize and stay focused. No more of the wishy washiness. It not only confuses myself, but the Universe. And that is no good. No good at all.