You know when you have a moment when you hear and/or see something, not necessarily meaning anything all, yet your heart cracks. You're saddened. Inquisitive. Pondering the meaning of why. Or rather, why not (me)? Or why the paths never completely line up together. With recent events, and so many friends in relationships and spring in full bloom, being single sometimes just isn't where you want to be. Seeing it all just kind of makes you want to vomit a little in your month. Don't get me wrong, I would love to be in a long term relationship again, but the idea of it now, I'm not so sure about. I can honestly think of only one person that if said they were down for a try, that I might actually be in. HA! Wouldn't that be funny. But really, I guess like the saying goes, you always want what you can't have. And I would consider distance in miles to be a factor of not being able to have. Bummer, but oh well, I suppose.
When it comes down to it though, relationship wise, today, I would probably choose a huge career leap vs a long term relationship. I think I need that more now than ever. It would make me happier. Success now. Love later. Unless the two could somehow be one....
On a completely different note. This morning I went to church. Catholic church. Flash back to Catholic school as a child, let me tell you. Anyways, I know right. What was I thinking? Well, I'll tell ya. 1_ I am visiting a friends family who attend church this weekend. 2_The other day I was watching the t.v. show '30 Days' on hulu. The episode was titled: 'Atheist / Christian'. It placed an Atheist in a Christian family and she had to participate in all their activities. It made me remember that it's always good to be excepting of other beliefs and the 'blessing' that we have a right to choose what we want to believe in.
Now, as many people close to me know, I've very non-religious. I think being a good person and doing good things is a better motto to live by. Let alone the fact that I like proof of things that exist. O.k. o.k., yes, I believe in the Universe and the theories around it. But I have to say, my proof of work is declaring to move half way around the world and then 3 months later doing just that.
But what I really wanted to comment today on my experience at Church. And man, if you're going to pick one day a year to attend church, what better day then when a 'mortal who died for our sins' was resurrected? Funny, because the priest mentioned how only a select few got to see him. Hmmm..... Makes ya think, doesn't it?
At the end of the service, a very sweet old women next to me started a brief conversation. It went something like this:
Old Lady: So what did you think of the service today?
Me: It was lovely. (Mustin't be rude now)
OL: I knew you would like it. (smile of excitement) I know you're not this religion, so you must be practicing something else?
M: Yeah, something like that. (after that I thought best to head out)
My first response was to say I don't believe in god. I'm agnostic. But I didn't think that would have gone down too well. And although I knew the prayers and motion from days back when (I went to Catholic school for good schoolings sake), I purposely chose not to go with the flow to 'fit in' today. It's not me, and even for an hour, I will not pretend. It's just not me. Done and don
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